The First Day Of My Life

I don’t know where I am, do not know where I was, but I know where I wanna go. Things take time and I am slow to calculate, mathematical time is not to me, I don’t accept that, I doesn’t understand it, I do not live tied to something that hurts me. I can’t, my concepts are almost anarchist, I do not follow laws, they arise naturally. I am an art depend, I read as I analyze and breathe art. I like to see the details of everything that generates me an inner poetry. The sky, the cold morning wind, the sun that burns on your face, the sound of laughter from my friends, the “I love you” from my parents, for me that is also art.

I don’t write many nights ago, I sit at the computer, or grab pen and paper, but nothing comes out, I feel bad, I don’t cry much, I don’t love anybody, and there’s a long time ago that I have no time for me. Perhaps’s that, the closure burning every day, every evening, every night.. “Everything’s going to be okay”, they say, but when? anxiety eats you up inside.

I started to rethink things in my life, and I realized that I was surrounded by people that did not give me “good vibes” I found surprises that were not pleasant, I lost friends, I left and locked myself in a box of frustrations.

I feel like i’ve just woke up and had been blind all this time. I see things in a different way, I walk different my way, I do not pretend a lot of others because in the end you end up depending on yourself. Often those closest are the ones that hurt you worst, they put salt on those wounds that are not completely healed.

This time is different, I mean I’m no longer in that box, it is the first day of my life and everything’s in color, is no longer gray, or black.

If I had to choose where I want to go, I’ll be choosing a place with ocean, that’s where my house is, I belong there. Sometimes I think I was born at the wrong time and place, the city does not identify me, but everything I built is here, I could leave right now without problems if I have the chance.

I must wait and see, but I rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery. Things are not forever and I am so lonely right now

We are a heart-shaped canvas, and inside there is a pointillism of memories, dreams and things that, as time passes, we paint of different colors, sometimes’s colorful, sometimes dark but I only hope to finish painting the canvas like the first day of my life, happy.